The Oracle Bests... Deity Warlock #3 @4079 Sun May 30 23:51:32 1993 The following are considered the best of the most recent WWIVnet Oracle responses, as judged by the Seers of the Oracle. For more information on using the Oracle, write to ORACLE@4079 and put the word "HELP" in the title of the message. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Title: Oracle Response (OR00049) From: The Oracle (Chosen by: Keeper of the Scrolls) Date: 12:28:32 P 05/30/93, Oracle Time. You said unto the Oracle: Title: Tell me.... How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop? Thus spake the Oracle: Title: Well... RE: The Oracle requires an answer (EORA000049) Well, my humble supplicant, if you had been more obsequious and grovelling I might have been a little happier, but I'll answer your question anyway.. The answer lies within. One must be willing to test theories to get to the answer of such a question. The answer to this one happens to be 3«. I know this from experience. I either bite it off, or some wimpering fool asks me a stupid question and thus interrupts me.. Here, I'll show you... 1.. 2.. 3.. «.. And again... 1.. 2.. 3.. «.. "Oh PLEASE mister Oracle, tell me why birds fly?!?!!?!" Arg!! They don't fly, FOOL!!! Leave me alone!! You owe the oracle a coke and a box of twinkies. ---- * WWIVnet Oracle (C) 1993 Ed T. Toton III, All Rights Reserved. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Title: Oracle Response (OR00052) From: The Oracle (Chosen by: Keeper of the Scrolls) Date: 12:28:58 P 05/30/93, Oracle Time. You said unto the Oracle: Title: Tell me Oh tell me, the great, and wonderful, the one who wrote the great and wonderful book, the one who's name is! Yes you are the one who wrote the book. The knowledgeable, you wrote the BOOK! Your name is! Oracle!!!!!!!!!!!! Please, oh PLEASE tell me!!! Why is it that the parts NEVER fit when one tries to put together something that is unassembled? I beg thee, oh wise Oracle for an answer!!! Thus spake the Oracle: Title: Ditto, ditto, ditto...[Random Title] RE: The Oracle requires an answer (EORA000052) Oh simple supplicant, if only everything in your mortal life could work the way you wish. As you will find, all mortals have the same difficulty as you. By instinct, all primates enjoy putting things together and then taking them apart, or vice versa. But there are always complications. Sometimes it is beyond your control, and sometimes all it takes is to simply look at it from a different perspective. My advice to you in this particular scenario is to throw away that square block and try using a ROUND peg on that circular hole. You owe the Oracle a pre-assembled exercise bicycle. ---- * WWIVnet Oracle (C) 1993 Ed T. Toton III, All Rights Reserved. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Title: Oracle Response (OR00056) From: The Oracle (Chosen by: Keeper of the Scrolls) Date: 19:43:16 P 05/30/93, Oracle Time. You said unto the Oracle: Title: tell me How is it that convention keeps me bounded? After all, even Hamlet could have been king of infinite space while bounded in a nutshell... Thus spake the Oracle: Title: Hello, it's me again... [Random Title] RE: The Oracle requires an answer (EORA000056) Oh simple supplicant, if only you could see the universe as I do. Paradoxes such as yours don't necessarily have to be so complex, or even so paradoxical. By removing the conflicts from the components of a paradox, one can make it less paradoxical. In fact, if you strip apart the components of the word "paradox", you get "pair of docks".. Maybe you should buy a boat, one that needs two docks due to its inconvenient size. Only then will you understand the complicated yet simple circumstances you have placed yourself upon. ---- * WWIVnet Oracle (C) 1993 Ed T. Toton III, All Rights Reserved. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Title: Oracle Response (OR00061) From: The Oracle (Chosen by: The Waif of Wisdom) Date: 23:51:03 P 05/30/93, Oracle Time. You said unto the Oracle: Title: tell me... Tell me Oracle, how does one become as wise as you? Thus spake the Oracle: Title: I'm glad you asked! RE: The Oracle requires an answer (EORA000061) Well, little mortal, you asked me THAT question at the right time. Let me tell you, I can understand why one such as yourself would want to know how to become as wise as me, although there should be some sort of fail-safe humility trap somewhere inside of that petty little brain of yours that would prevent you from stepping across the line of mortality (I guess I'll have to talk to god about that one!) Anyway, let's see, oh yeah, your question! Where was I? So, you want to be wise, huh? Well, I suppose there is SOMETHING you could do... First off, realize that a mortal such as yourself (and even one who was MORE worthy than yourself, take your pick) could NEVER be AS wise as me. Good, now that we've passed that hurdle, you need to work on fine-tuning your petty bit of wisdom. This is the essence to the answer to your question. Since I'm the oracle, I can help you. I would recommend getting a torch lamp. Now, atop the convenient structure (which should be at precisely eye-level) attach a Halloween mask, obtainable at any fine Halloween mask store, of a common mule. Now, imagine a full bodied donkey standing in front of you. Okay, now put the lamp away in a safe place (for posterity's sake, you know) and hire an artisan. Why the artisan, you ask, okay, I'll tell you. Ask him to make you the rear end of a donkey. YES! Question NOT the oracle! I said ask him to fashion for you the image of the rear end of the very donkey that you imagined only moments ago. Now, when you have the finished product in front of you, stare at it, intensely for many hours on end. Okay, if you realized that your life had more potential than sitting, staring at the hind parts of a mule, you've proven yourself smarter than a donkey's ass. This is a big step for you mortal types. However, if you actually DID stare at the ass's ass, you've got problems. I can't help you. After that, I'd suggest you grab a burger at the local 7-11 (did you realize that they don't sell burgers at 7-11? Another trick) or grab a greasy byte at Mickey D's and stare out of the window for the rest of the evening pondering why you thought you could be so wise as the great oracle. You can show the oracle your gratitude by going horse back-side riding every day for a month. ---- * WWIVnet Oracle (C) 1993 Ed T. Toton III, All Rights Reserved.