The following scroll contains messages which are considered to be the best of the most recent WWIVnet Oracle responses, as judged by the Seers of the Oracle. For more information on using the Oracle, write to ORACLE@4079 and put the word "HELP" in the title of the message. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Title: Oracle Response (OR00163) From: The Oracle (Chosen by: Keeper of the Scrolls) Date: 18:17:40 P 07/02/93, Oracle Time. You said unto the Oracle: Title: tell me Tell me, Oh wise and wonderous Oracle, why is my little sister so annoying? Thus spake the Oracle: Title: Thine answer.... You just had to ask that, didn't you? Do you know how many times each day I get asked questions about everyone's sisters? And half of them are about yours in particular!! (ok, I exaggerated, but it's close). Ok, the answer is this: She is really cute, you are attracted to her, you want her for yourself, but you can't have her, and she knows it. Feel better? You owe the Oracle a corvette and a flamethrower. ---- * WWIVnet Oracle (C) 1993 Ed T. Toton III, All Rights Reserved. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Title: Oracle Response (OR00164) From: The Oracle (Chosen by: Keeper of the Scrolls) Date: 18:17:44 P 07/02/93, Oracle Time. You said unto the Oracle: Title: tell me Tell me, Oh wise and wonderous Oracle, why is my little sister so annoying? Thus spake the Oracle: Title: Hmmmm... uh oh.. Not again... This is the same person isn't it? What's wrong, don't like my answers??? I really hate answering "sister" questions. This is the 345,825th one today!!! The answer is the fact that she is jelous of all the attention your parents give you. You see, she is a masochist, and therefore wants to be punished. Since you are being punished all the time, she is envious. To solve her problem, she acts like a real pain in the neck in the hopes that someone will hit her. You owe the Oracle a notepad and a pen for the secretary. ---- * WWIVnet Oracle (C) 1993 Ed T. Toton III, All Rights Reserved. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Title: Oracle Response (OR00165) From: The Oracle (Chosen by: Keeper of the Scrolls) Date: 18:17:57 P 07/02/93, Oracle Time. You said unto the Oracle: Title: tell me Tell me, Oh wise and wonderous Oracle, why is my little sister so annoying? Thus spake the Oracle: Title: Good lord... Now this is getting rediculous. I've had it!! You want an answer? Well fine! ^Z C:\ORACLE> CD\ANSWERS C:\ANSWERS> RANDANS Random Answerer v1.0 (C) 1993 The WWIVnet Oracle, No Rights Deserved. Loading dictionary... Done! Loading encyclopedia... Done! Loading thesaurus... Done! Generating answer, please standby... Done! Your answer is: The problem lies in the your lack of social skills due to a large unsightly parasite attached just below your armpit. This creature is slowly draining your blood, turning your skin into a dull white color. Additionally, the creature itself is extremely ugly. These factors are making it difficult for you to interact with people, since they usually get disgusted and vomit on you, making the problem even worse. - Returning to Oracle Mode. You owe the Oracle a new hard drive. ---- * WWIVnet Oracle (C) 1993 Ed T. Toton III, All Rights Reserved. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Title: Oracle Response (OR00166) From: The Oracle (Chosen by: Keeper of the Scrolls) Date: 18:18:06 P 07/02/93, Oracle Time. You said unto the Oracle: Title: tell me Tell me, Oh wise and wonderous Oracle, why is my little sister so annoying? Thus spake the Oracle: Title: My.. my.. Not again!!! Well, here's my answer... ^Z C:\ORACLE> CD\ANSWERS C:\ANSWERS> RANDANS Random Answerer v1.0 (C) 1993 The WWIVnet Oracle, No Rights Deserved. Loading dictionary... Done! Loading encyclopedia... Done! Loading thesaurus... Done! Generating answer, please standby... Done! Your answer is: The problem is that square pegs only fit in square holes. The circular hole in front of you is not only circular, but also too small anyway. No matter how hard you try to push that square peg through, it won't fit. You will probably end up breaking it first. Now if you were to try to push a triangular peg through, it might work, although this theory has not yet been tested. - Returning to Oracle Mode. You owe the Oracle a new modem. ---- * WWIVnet Oracle (C) 1993 Ed T. Toton III, All Rights Reserved. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Title: Oracle Response (OR00167) From: The Oracle (Chosen by: Keeper of the Scrolls) Date: 18:18:13 P 07/02/93, Oracle Time. You said unto the Oracle: Title: tell me Tell me, Oh wise and wonderous Oracle, why is my little sister so annoying? Thus spake the Oracle: Title: No! no! Not again! Geeeeezzzzzzzzz....... You're driving me nuts!!!! But since I am required to answer, here you go: ^Z C:\ORACLE> CD\ANSWERS C:\ANSWERS> RANDANS Random Answerer v1.0 (C) 1993 The WWIVnet Oracle, No Rights Deserved. Loading dictionary... Done! Loading encyclopedia... Done! Loading thesaurus... Done! Generating answer, please standby... Done! Your answer is: Sound waves are generated when an object vibrates the air. The reason why your stereo does not make any sound is because the speakers are not vibrating. Look in the back, where it says "Danger! High Voltage! Do not remove!" and take the cover off. Take a wire, and hook it up between the big cylindrical capacitor, and the speaker input. Keep your hand on it to make sure it doesn't come loose, and turn on the power. I think you'll get a blast out of it. - Returning to Oracle Mode. Ok, so it's not infallible. But I like the program anyway... This had better be the last one from you, or I'll you! You owe the Oracle a new VGA card. ---- * WWIVnet Oracle (C) 1993 Ed T. Toton III, All Rights Reserved. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Title: Oracle Response (OR00168) From: The Oracle (Chosen by: Keeper of the Scrolls) Date: 18:18:16 P 07/02/93, Oracle Time. You said unto the Oracle: Title: tell me Tell me, Oh wise and wonderous Oracle, why is my little sister so annoying? Thus spake the Oracle: Title: That's it! You asked for it! You owe the Oracle a break... ---- * WWIVnet Oracle (C) 1993 Ed T. Toton III, All Rights Reserved. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Title: Oracle Response (OR00159) From: The Oracle (Chosen by: Keeper of the Scrolls) Date: 23:01:55 P 07/02/93, Oracle Time. You said unto the Oracle: Title: Tell me What would make my brown eyes blue? Thus spake the Oracle: Title: Simple. Contacts ---- * WWIVnet Oracle (C) 1993 Ed T. Toton III, All Rights Reserved. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Title: Oracle Response (OR00090) From: The Oracle (Chosen by: The Aphasic Mute) Date: 21:54:35 P 07/03/93, Oracle Time. You said unto the Oracle: Title: Tell me, oh great one. Please, oh great one, can you help me with my dire problems? I have need of your advice. I don't seem to be able to make any friends. What's wrong? My ears aren't any larger than about 8 inches or so, and my nose is no bigger than about a foot. What's there to not like? Thus spake the Oracle: Title: the oracle responds. the all mighty oracle has meditated for many nights upon the nature of your question, has consulted numerous sources of aescetic doctrines, and has had a world-renown artist produce a recreation of what a 8 inch eared, 12 inch nosed person would look like and the result were rather startling. well, ignoring the resemblence to dumbo (you know, the flying elephant), the oracle has divined from the greater gods of the east side that you would have many more friends if you told the truth more often. then, they promised, the donkey ears will vanish and the nose will shrink and (as a side effect) you would (no pun intended) become real. the lesser gods, however, think that you need no friends. rather, that you should take up writing, fall in love with your cousin, and help a christian marry her. then he'll die and eventually you will too. sounds like fun, eh? for this response, the oracle only asks that you not humble yourself before others and if you find something to like within yourself, others will find it too. the almighty oracle has spoken ---- * WWIVnet Oracle (C) 1993 Ed T. Toton III, All Rights Reserved. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Title: Oracle Response (OR00122) From: The Oracle (Chosen by: The Aphasic Mute) Date: 21:56:12 P 07/03/93, Oracle Time. You said unto the Oracle: Title: tell me.... Oh great and knowledgable Oracle, please answer my question regarding food and its succeptibility to gravitational pulls. Why is it that whenever I put the cream chese and olives on my bagel and then carelessly drop it onto the floor, it ALWAYS falls so that the cream cheese side smashes onto the floor, thereby making it unsalvagable? Thus spake the Oracle: Title: Ah... A worthy question, for one of your limited conscience. You see, olives and cream cheese have joined in a coalition agains bagels. They feel that no pastry should be made without a middle, and the cream cheese hates getting all clumped up in the hole when you spread it on. As a matter of fact, the coalition is looking for new members. Would you like to join us to halt the tyrannical onslaught of middle-less bread? We could use your help. You owe the Oracle a ruby slipper, and a matching handbag. ---- * WWIVnet Oracle (C) 1993 Ed T. Toton III, All Rights Reserved.