The NeoScience Institute

All Content Copyright 1995-1999, Ed T. Toton III
All Rights Reserved.

Here at the NeoScience Institute, we prefer to think outside of the curve. We don't take on just any project, it has to be something unusual, lucrative, or capable of really confusing people. We have many on-going projects around the world in just about every field of science there is,. Most of what we do is classified for one reason or another, or is so distasteful that we would be embarassed to admit to it, so we will list only a few of our less-sensitive projects here to give you a taste of what is going on inside our super-secret laboratories.

Some current projects:

  • Animal training through high-energy explosives
  • UFO capture
  • A new manned mission to the sun
  • Artificially intelligent tooth-implant
  • Safety analysis of the "Do-it-yourself appendectomy" knife and suture kit
  • Mass propoganda to dispell the myth that Trix are for kids
  • Determining the effectiveness of intense radiation as a replacement for shower water
  • A supercomputer powered by cats (static electricity)
  • Experiments involving "repairing" criminals with sulphuric acid
  • A Tesla-Coil the size of the Empire State Building (why rely on natural lightning?)
  • A TRUE new moon
  • A nuclear sub-atomic gerbil accelerator
  • Translation of the Codex Idiotica
  • A study into whether or not MS-Windows is the incarnation of the antichrist
  • SETI, The Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence.
  • Finding a market for the Llama-Dung Simulator.

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