The NecroBones EVIL-Test

So, you want to see just how evil you are, eh? Well, we feel no obligation to you whatsoever, nor do we have any specific reason to fulfill your perverse thoughts and feelings. However, we will oblige and provide this test for your evil tendencies. Go ahead, take the test. Prove what you will to yourself. Let your soul be damned, and get started!! By the way, none of this information is saved or sold. You trust us, don't you? (heh, heh, heh) Note: This test has a slant towards computer use in the mid-90's, since it was originally made back when you could assume that anyone browsing the web had a certain amount of computer-literacy and geeky tendancies.

Which is the most favorable activity? Gardening Stomping on flowers Drowning puppies Global domination and enslavement Galactic domination and enslavement in order to drown puppies and gardening flowers for the express purpose of stomping on them. Why are you taking this test? To prove I'm not evil I'm worried that I might be evil Because I want to, damn it! This test is lame, you have no idea what TRUE EVIL is!! *yawn* Death is ... Something to be avoided Here to stay Something I can offer efficiently A way of life Yes... So what's the question? What operating system do you use? Unix, Linux, BSD, Solaris, etc DOS or OS/2 Windows (3.1, NT, 95, 98, etc) Macintosh Dull Ginsu (autoclaved...if I feel like it.) What browser are you using? I don't use a browser, I don't even like the World Wide Web or the Internet. (liar!) Netscape Navigator/Communicator Mosaic or Lynx Microsoft internet explorer AOL's built-in browser, or any other not listed What is your favorite text-editor? Pico, DOS's EDIT, or a DOS-based word processor Windows notepad, or any DOS based programming language Any windows word processor, Vi, or anything other than those listed here Any windows-based programming language EMACS, Microsoft Word, Edlin, or any unix editor not listed Which best describes your job? Manual labor (i.e. no brains required) Secretary, sales, or anything other than those listed (you're a nobody) Reasearch and Development, Science, literature, writing, art, dancing, music, acting (in other words, free thought) Administrative, Software programming or development, SysAdmin, SysOp, NetAdmin, WebMaster (in other words, control) Operative for the Administration and Enforcement of Natural Selection. (survival of the fittest) Isn't life wonderful? Oh, yes! No, life sucks I'll make your life a living hell All life shall pay for the crime of living! Can't kill without it... *sigh* How many children do you have? None One or two Three to Five Six or more Born or surviving? How many wives/husbands do you have currently? None One Two or Three Four or more None, they're all dead. Evil is... Something to be stamped out Unfortunate Simply there. Quite pleasant My responsibility as an able-bodied being Who did you vote for? Yourself The creator of this test Clinton Dole Charles Manson O.J. Simpson What do you think of weapons? Thye're OK for self-defense I hope I don't need to use my arsenal Find me a target, NOW! They're MINE!!! All mine!! Muhahahah!!! Who needs weapons? I *am* weapons. If you had to choose a form of public service, which would it be? Planting trees, Building houses for the homeless, or Feeding the hungry Removing graffiti, Cleaning the streets, Reporting druggies or drunk drivers Serving a political party or political campaign Propaganda, Controlled breeding of humans, or Martial law Biological weapons development. A close friend comes to you in tears because...? He/She wants to be consoled over a difficult break-up or loss of a loved one, and consolation is something which you can freely give. He/She wants support on a difficult break-up or loss of a loved one, but you are unsure how to show compassion. He/She just broke up with his/her significant other, or He/She just lost his/her job. Either way, it is because of you. He/She does not understand why you are being so mean and cruel to him/her The insignificant worm is shackled to the floor and you are the only source of human interaction, food, and water. Have you ever stolen anything? No! Just office supplies and small toys when I was young All the time! Yeh, components for explosives, neuro-toxins, and nuclear material What do you do at parties? Have a good time and socialize Spike the punch with alcohol Spread rumor and innuendo, so that the party ends in raging arguments Spike the punch with poison, or with something that mutates people into horrendously disfigured monsters. Have a good time and lobotomize. What do you want to do with your life? Raise a family Become a hired killer, raise the dead, or spread disinformation Take over the world Annihilate the biosphere Ask people, "What do you want?" Are you happy? Yes I'm not sure No I don't understand the question That would be telling... As a child (perhaps still?) I...? Played quietly Pulled wings off of flies Burned things Drowned or ignited furry animals Annexed Australia or a western continent Your boyfriend or girlfriend threatens to leave if you don't become less evil, what do you do? Clean up your act Look him/her in the eye and calmly say "Bye!" Resort to throwing punches Replace all his/her coffee with decaf. Remind him/her that there is no problem that can't be solved by the proper application of high explosives You have been wronged by a co-worker, what do you do? Turn the other cheek Have a talk Retaliate! Intercept his/her tax return and replace it with a hate letter to the IRS. It would never happen, I make preemptive strikes Replace the person's sleeping pills with stimulants, and the person's caffiene with laxatives, and the person's eye-drops with either sulphuric acid or necrotizing bacteria. Your boss is...? Not just my boss, but a co-worker, and a friend Annoying In my way Soon to be eliminated A wonderful scapegoat. Revenge is...? Not the way to go A dish best served cold A dish best served with a smile. My favorite past-time, in fact I thirst for it So sweet when it is taken out on the perpetrator, and extended to children, wives, husbands, parents, pets, stereo equipment, cars, pictures, and anything else that presents itself to your eye. How do you feel about nuclear disarmament? It is one of the best decisions made by humanity Aw, man! Sorry to see the nukes go. It is the bane of all things evil!! No! This can't be happening!!! Nooooo!!!!!!! It makes the world safe for more conventional weapons. War is...? Aweful! Cool, yeah yeah! Let's go, buddy! Give me the red button, I dare you! OK for those who lack subtlety and finesse. You and your mate are trapped in a cave. We'll find a way out, together I'm ready to ditch him/her, as long as I can get out alive Forget him/her! I'm outa here, I don't need any help! A captive audience...time to dredge up all those puns... He/She is looking awefully tasty... You have been given a Rubik's Cube... I give up I'll solve it, eventually Where's my hammer? Where's my 12-guage?!? Bring it now, woman! Food is...? One of life's pleasures Nothing special It takes up too much time! It keeps me strong so that I may do what needs to be done... Just another tool. What do you think of Bill Gates? He is evil, and should be destroyed I have no opinion I like him I want to be just like him I buy all his products, without every resorting to software piracy. What about O.J. Simpson? He is guilty, and should have been executed. He is guilty, but I'm glad he's free! I helped him. He's got my vote! Not only can't he hide, he can't even run all that well any more. What kind of music do you like the best? Gospel, Folk Pop/Rock, Classical New age, Progressive Country, Jazz Rap, Heavy metal, Opera Do you have any pets? No Yes Yes, and I step on them a lot Not anymore, not after "the incident" Do the Spice Girls count? What computer games do you like? I don't play computer games I only play solitaire and other virtual card games I play role-playing games and puzzle games. Oh, I love most computer games Yeah! Doom! Duke Nukem! Diablo!! Yeah!!! Do you do any software programming? No, I'm a computer illiterate I know computers fairly well, but still don't program Yeh, I write software, but only because I have to I program software for fun! I prefer "wetware" programming. How many programming languages do you know? None One or Two Three to Five Six or more Let's see... electroshock therapy, hallucinogen megadosage, Scientology, labotomy... In my spare time, I'm a...? Couch potato, mouse potato, or both Used car salesman Game-show host Politician Phone salesman or Lawyer Televangelist Is it OK to hit someone? It's never OK! Only when they hit you first Yes, whenever the urge strikes. Yes, in fact you should go out of your way to do so. Yes, but preferably with somebody else's car. Do you consider yourself evil? No Maybe Yes Who wants to know? What's it to you? It's all in how you look at it. Is killing wrong? Yes. Well, I guess not. No, it's OK. Hell NO! You should be shot for even asking. What do you do when you see a nun in public? Say "hello" Give her the "evil eye" Fondle her or spit on her Tempt her. Tempt her, and succeed. Do you go to church? (or temple, or whatever) Yes No! Yes, but only to cause mischeif Yeh, to burn them down! No, I send my subordinates for the protection payments. How many commandments have you broken? None One or two Three to five Six or seven Eight or more Do you support free speech on the net? Yes Not really Free speech? Next thing you know everyone will want FREE WILL. No freedom for anyone, except ourselves! What sort of non-computer games do you play? Monopoly and other mundane games Cards (poker, blackjack, etc) Sports of all kinds Dungeons and Dragons, or various other role-playing games B&D, S&M, or various similar role-playing games. Which is your favorite of the following activities? Smelling the roses Putting rose thorns in people's coffee when they're not looking Starting fires Playing with people's minds and twisting their emotions Experimental neurosurgery not sanctioned by the AMA. How much money do you make? Less than $10,000 a year $10,000 to $30,000 $30,000 to $80,000 $80,000 or more Whatever. Spend all you want; we'll run off more. How many cars do you have in your household? None One Two Three or more Just wheeled vehicles, or tracked vehicles too? Can you find child pornography on the net? No, and why would I want to? Yeh, if I really put my mind to it. Yes, I can do that pretty easily Yes, in under 2 minutes. I suppose so, but it's sort of like eating over the radio, if you catch my drift. Did you lie on this test? No, I never lie. Not this time Yeh, but only on a few questions Yes, on most or all of the questions To the best of my recollection, I do not remember.

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