The NeoScience Institute
About the Institute

All Content Copyright 1995-1999, Ed T. Toton III
All Rights Reserved.

The NeoScience Institute
The NeoScience Institute is a global scientific organization that is self-funded and self-sufficient. We bring you the latest in science breakthroughs, and are taking over the world so that you don't have to. We're committed to achieving all that science can achieve, and to leading the way into new scientific frontiers. We're fully dedicated to finding the truth, no matter how false it might be. No safety issue is too great, and no life is too valuable to stand in the way of discovery.

We are the new science, for a new age.

The NeoScience Institute was founded in the 1940's by our current director, and a small group of underground rogue scientists who broke away from the dawning nuclear age to start a new scientific foundation. Armed with the knowledge of their previous scientific careers, they based the initial organization on a few significant discoveries. Without the ethical constraints of society applying to them, they managed to make discoveries and advances that would not otherwise be possible, and now the Institute has grown to the point that it now spans the globe with over one million employees world-wide. Relativistic transport tubes allow for efficient pooling of resources from around the world, which facilitates rapid progress.

Our founder/director,
Dr. A. Nonymous
aka "Bones"
The Institute's goal is to achieve world domination by the year 2099. Through the hard work and involuntary self-sacrifice of countless scientists and professionals, we believe this to be a valid goal. With your support, this can be attained even faster. If you would like to help, feel free to send a donation, or volunteer for experimentation, or just wimp out and look at the Employment Opportunities page. For more information about the institute, please see our main page.

Before such domination ocurrs, we will in the meantime continue to bring you products and services, but only when it's convenient to do so and as long as it doesn't interfere with our experiments and research. We are, after all, primarily a scientific organization, not a mail-order service, got it?


In the early 40's, no one had yet heard of the NeoScience Institute, which is no surprise considering that it did not exist yet. Then came the atomic bomb. The realization that nuclear energy could be unleashed in such a way shook the scientific community to its very core. Many scientists became disgusted, and abondoned their life's work. Others were oddly excited by the possibilities, and found the standard ethical constraints placed on them by society to be quite a nuisance. One day, a man from the future appeared and spoke of a plan to unite scientists together to form an organization that would allow them to continue their research in whatever direction they chose, free of interruptions, and with abundant supplies and resources. While this ideal wasn't achieved right away, the framework for this new institution was put into place. Once things appeared to be running smoothly enough, the man disappeared back through time, to his home in the future.

Over the decades, the institution flourished. It's many members were very secretive, often holding day-jobs in well known companies and universities. Then one day, a young member joined who had a very special destiny. Fifty years earlier, instructions were carefully left behind by the founder that the institute should look for him in the future, appoint him as director, and send him back in time to fulfill his destiny. That day came in 1995. Bewildered, the founder listened as his destiny was explained to him. So he agreed. He went back in time to enlist the aid of scientists fifty years in the past, and returned to become the director of the Institute. On the day of his "promotion", the institute was given it's current formal name. Long live the Institute!


Computational power at the main facility:

  • Assorted obsolete desktop and laptop systems.
  • 1 486 PC with a third of a gigabyte, none of which is available on demand.
  • 3 286 PCs, 2 of which are sure to be inoperative at any given moment.
  • 1 XT PC, never kept on the premises.
  • Calculators, slide-rules, charts, abacusseseseseses, fingers, toes, pen/paper, scattered everywhere.
  • 1 Gerbil-powered supercomputer, to be replaced with a cat powered one.
  • Thousands of networked zombies connected using TCP/IPv6.
  • Re-engineered brains (from the zombies) suspended in colloidal fluids.


We've located an exam which is rather extensive, and quite difficult. We made it a mandatory test for all of our employees, as an attempt to rate their competance. Only one of our scientists managed to get a passing score. currently he's strapped to a dissection table with electrodes attached to every protrusion and facet of his body, while an expert team performs round-the-clock analysis of his biophysical functions, and his neuronal activity. Rest assured, we will discover what made this possible, even if it kills us.. er, him.

If you enjoy taking tests, you're very strange. However, we can help. Click here for our employment prequalification "mad scientist" test. If you pass, we can subject you to an aweful lot of tests, and you can get paid for it if we're feeling generous.


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